Layoffs sighted off the port bow

Well I wanted to start posting a few days a week about the fitgirl movement (I really do love it), Fashion – curvy girl style (because I’m a firm beliver in being stylish even if I’m fluffy) and something either about food or neurotic plannng, but today I’m not even close to talking, thinking typing about them.
I found out Monday I am in jeopardy of being laid off – after 15 years of skirting the layoff wave, my job title is smack in the middle of the action. Even though I’m not high on the management list, even though I don’t make a lot of money (or enough I thought to even trifle with), and even though it’s just me in regards to support staff for a group of 500. Little ole me, I’m on the block. And to make matters worse, they won’t tell us our fate until the end of the month, because they’re giving the higher ups a chance to be demoted and compete for their job or other jobs, which means an influx in my management level and no chance for a demotion (not that I would take it) because we’re at the bottom of the heap.
I spent most of Monday (my birthday) in a fog and somewhat pissy rage, that has manifested into calm acceptance and muted rage (sort of), I’m not really angry, it’s not like someone had a grieveance against me ant that’s the reason why I may or may not lose my job, feeling helpless really isn’t my thing but, I’m stuck in the overwhelmed state of “what do I do now?” And the inundation of questions that run through my brain in a continuous loop Am I losing my job? Am I staying with the aftermath? Am I marketable? Am I too old? too fat? too qualified? will I make enough money? What about my kids? I’ll have to pull Frannie out of school….where will she go? Will it be too much for her? How long can we afford for me to be out of work? and on and on and on.  
Adding fuel to the fire, I’m home or at my mom’s for a few weeks working half days while she recovers from knee surgery and she get’s to hear first hand the conversation with my boss, then pass it along to my grandma, who promptly starts a party line to the rest of the family, although she has put her own spin on it and now I’m losing my job because I’m home with my mom and my company and boss are the devil incarnate. By the time I got home that evening, I was getting texts from cousins I hadn’t talked to in months telling me how sorry they were. GREAT! THANKS GRANDMA! and mom really – who decided she needed to tell my younger teenager – the one who worries constantly about things, and life and has been know to throw herself into a teenage malady that could rival a great Victorian novel, and this is my life……….
Oh I wish we were talking about the trials of linen pants today.


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