Saying goodbye!

I am a sucker when it comes to volunteering, I have joined many organizations over my life and have volunteered my way through all of them. From Bake sales to board positions you name it and I’ve probably done it. I tell you this because for the last six years I have been volunteering for our Sports Boosters club at school, and for the last three years I have been on the board or the Chair.

It started as something simple – running snack bar for the Girls home games during the volleyball season, then it included both girls volleyball and basketball, then they added the boys sports and the door, and then someone had the bright idea to start a boys football team – 8 man, we’re very small. Then they decided they needed to have a committee and a club and raise all of these funds for the sports program, I was sucked into the masses and soon spent many weeks at the school for hours on end before I made it home from work. I know there were some weeks I was at the school six days in a row and a few seven. I have been happy to do so, firmly believing that I was helping the school, I was involved with my daughters activities and giving back in a tangible way to my school community.

Sometime around September of last year, I knew I was burnt out, my schedule had become less flexible at work, the demands growing from those that wanted funds rasied, and a board that couldn’t seem to be bothered to lift a finger to help but more than happy to take the credit when things were done. I spent the first few months of school praying my way thorugh, then over Christmas break I realized I was done. I know that when you commit your time to an organization that you do it without the expectation of acknowledgement – one of my favorite saying is “you do it for the glory of God and nothing else” but when you hear others taking credit for your work and expecting accolades, I had a hard time reconciling. Our first meeting back in January I let the board know I was stepping down as Chair and stepping back from helping out to make sure whoever came in was able to do so on their own terms and not have someone looking over their shoulder and judging.

Five months later we are one day away from my final event, a large fundraising dinner and awards night. I wish I could describe for you all of the emotions running through my head, from elation to fear, to apathy and heartbreak. I have given over my soul to this organization, all of the sweat and tears and again the hours that I’ve spent at this school is crazy, and now here I am at the end of this journey and I’m not sure what to do or feel.

After walking away and coming back to this post I realize now for the first time in my life the literal term of Bittersweet, I am bitter about leaving this post in what I feel like an unfinished place, I wanted to do so much more with the time I had and I feel like what I have accomplished isn’t enough. And on the other side I can’t wait until Saturday and I’m free of this burden, it’s a lot of work having the weight of fundraising large dollar amounts from relatively nothing. It’s a lot of worry and stress.

As I head off to bed tonight, 10 coaches appreciation gifts made on my table, and 20 ribbon leis – six left to complete tomorrow, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is faint but growing and although I want to turn around one last time to really see how far I’ve come, I think I’ll save that for another night – I only have enough energy to focus in one direction and I have to keep trudging forward. And Say Goodbye.


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