1/2/14 – Thursday’s Thanks

It occurred to me last night as we were walking the dogs, that my husband and I have a lot to be thankful for. I say this as a slightly obsessive woman that tends to dwell on everything, I have been known on occasion to take more than my fair share of time as the year turns over, to reflect on the good, bad and ugly of the previous year, hopefully not too much of the ugly, even though it tends to creep up.

Wistfully I thought of how lucky I was to have a husband that was willing to go on a walk with me and the dogs, not only that but to “work out” with me for my own goals – not his. I thought of how blessed we all were to have been chosen by the funniest and most loving shelter puppies, and for the two beautiful and horribly frustrating teenagers waiting for us back at the house to cook dinner and provide for their every whim – yes even them I am truly thankful for and lucky to have. I though back over the year and while there were very few “big” changes in our household – the smaller ones bonded me even closer to my youngest and finalized the age old tradition of getting the older one out of the house and off to college as fast as we can.

Without going into detail, this year has been one of struggle for my husband and I, not one that would ultimately lead to a divorce but one that even after a few years, I believe we will still look back and say – yeh 2013 was really hard. The biggest triumph and issue stemmed from quitting smoking. On top of all of the physical stresses, kicking an addiction takes, we had to endure the emotional stress of giving up your best friend – and yes if you’re a smoker – that cigarette is really your beset friend. We had to learn to be humans again, ones that didn’t run away from our problems or ease into them with a few drags of nicotine. We had to face them head on with very raw nerve endings and unprepared emotional responses to even the simplest tasks, I’m not sure that at the end of this year there are things that my husband and I will be able to do together anymore – things we truly enjoyed once but without the buffer of a cigarette we’re not able to do without damaging eachother. On the flip side I do think it has bound us to each other in ways we didn’t know possible before, it gave us a view of each other that many do not allow others to see and while I do think this year was really rough, I hope that after a little while will look back and find rewarding as well.

Later over dinner I asked everyone what they really felt thankful for this last year, Sabrina – her medical conference in GA, Francesca – learning from her mistakes and hopefully doing something different the next time the situation comes around. Steve mentioned the family and how supportive we had been, Me you ask? Well I’m thankful I was able to sit at the dinner table with my family and learn that they actually had things to be thankful for, and things that were meaningful to them, not just platitudes to get me to stop bugging them. I am thankful that for that small moment we were all together gathered around the table discussing things that were happy and light, and hopefully when the “ugly” does come creeping into my head, I’ll have that memory to fall back on.

What are you thankful for?

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